Man of a Thousand Professions

I've had quite a few jobs in my life. I've told you about a few...most recently I told you all about chopping tobacco, and I once wrote about my current life as an insurance agent. But I tried my hand at many other professions as well. I was more successful at some jobs than others. Here' s me on the job at various times of life and how things turned out at each:

My first job was as a terrorist, but I was quickly fired because I didn't scare anybody.

After that I got a gig up in Northern Arizona as a tour guide at the Grande Canyon. I started my tours by saying, "I don't know what's such a big deal! It's just a big hole in the ground people!" The clients also didn't like it when I would cop a squat in the middle of the trail. My manager was mailed this picture, and that was all she wrote for that job!

For my next career, I started a business as a babysitter. I specialized in infant care, and did very well for quite a while until one of those nosy mothers saw me spiking the formula with sleeping pills. How did they think I took care of 20 babies all day by myself?

Sheesh. You try to introduce some efficiencies into the industry and what thanks do you get?

For a while, I tried my hand at accounting, but I felt the whole suit and tie thing to be too constricting.

Growing weary of the old nine to five, I decided to become a male prostitute. I only had one client, but she took great care of me. One day, she took me down to Brooks Brothers to buy some up-scale clothes, but I said, "No way, baby! You take me or leave me as I am!"

I never saw her after that...wonder what happened to her?

After that I tried my hand at being a sausage vendor. My friends liked to say that I really hadn't changed jobs at all, but I never knew what they meant.

Most recently, I have joined the exciting field of insurance sales. I don't make as much money as I did selling my sausage, but I feel so much better rested.

For my next career, I hope to become a tourguide on the London Eye. I already know all the points of interest. Right behind me you can see Big Bill and the Houses of Parmesan. That's where all the cheese comes from.

Finally, a career I can count on!