I was very skillful. She barely felt the incision. So deftly did I insert the knife that she felt nothing but sympathy for me. I worked slowly, asked for understanding and held her hand. I began in familiar territory, the places in which I had already operated. Easy access, easy reference. She was not surprised as I re-visited old wounds.
From there, I moved to new territory, new cuts, new depth. By then, she was anesthetized and felt nothing. Not until I held her heart completely in my hand did the tears bleed from her face. But it was too late. The operation was complete.
I made it easy for me.
I gave her a pill to make her sleep, so I would not have to hear or imagine her lying awake, dying inside. I took one myself, just in case.
I woke to a morning chill and heard the sounds of my wife making her breakfast as quietly as she could. How can you tell the mood of a person by the sound of their movements? I don’t know. But you can.
She said good morning as I sat down. We both pretended to read the paper. After eating only a little, I climbed back into bed. She followed and we huddled together, saying nothing.
From there, I moved to new territory, new cuts, new depth. By then, she was anesthetized and felt nothing. Not until I held her heart completely in my hand did the tears bleed from her face. But it was too late. The operation was complete.
I made it easy for me.
I gave her a pill to make her sleep, so I would not have to hear or imagine her lying awake, dying inside. I took one myself, just in case.
I woke to a morning chill and heard the sounds of my wife making her breakfast as quietly as she could. How can you tell the mood of a person by the sound of their movements? I don’t know. But you can.
She said good morning as I sat down. We both pretended to read the paper. After eating only a little, I climbed back into bed. She followed and we huddled together, saying nothing.
31 comments:
Wow, Bug. I'm not even sure where to go with that. I do know, however you can tell a person's mood by their movements. I had that mastered.
Please don't tell us...or at least not yet, don't tell us the ummm, symbolism. I have my OWN idea and WOW! What a hell of a story! (is Hell capitalized?)
Anyway, I am not ready to know the like REAL analogy...yet. IN(effin)credible! You done well, sir!
Look out writer's college! here he comes!
~d heart bug
I hate when my other half denies the intention of sound of his movements. As if I can't tell...
Your bedroom, too, huh? Was there a full moon last night or something?
CP: Nothing to say, really. You can cerainly tell moods without seeing the person. It's just instinctual.
Tildy: No symbolism, just a little jagged piece of my past.
Kat: *Husband rips door off of pantry and shouts 'AAAARGGG'*
Wife: Something wring dear?
Husband: What the fuck would make you think THAT?
Wife: Just something I'm feeling in the air, I guess.
:-)
Lynn: Luckily it wasn't last night, it was some time ago.
O.
Well.
Then,
I will write down what it meant to me...and I will comment whatever like next week or so that way I won't eff up anybody else's (ideas).
(smile!)
I really like this.
Reminds me of something...
Tildy: You can email me your thoughts and I'll tell you if you are correct.
Val: Been through a little surgery of your own?
perhaps.
I'll just leave it at that. ;)
This is Twilight Zone,with Rod Serling, type of stuff! Alfred Hitchcock.
Guin
TOTALLY! I sooo will. after I fall asleep until like umm, 5:30AM.
(bleh)
~d heart Bug
Val: We all go under the knife a few times in life. Sometimes we wear the mask. Personally, I'd rather be on the table than standing beside it.
Guin: Yeah? You can't take it literally. You have to use the first layer of metaphor, but this one does not actually go any more layers than that.
Tildy: Looking forward to hearing your impression. (can you do Nixon?)
I like reading this, but I feel it is too personal to comment on. I do not want to think about it that deeply. It scares me.
I don't know what to say. I have thoughts, ideas, like others I'm sure but I'll keep them to myself.
I will say one thing though, her actions at then end, forgiveness? denial? acceptance?
In any case, beautifully written. It gripped me from the start.
The photo of mine in question, I did not realize she is on her back. I thought that was her butt.
Guin
Guin: I've written a lot about how others have broken my heart, as regular readers will attest. But, every so often, it's good to remind myself that I have hurt people, too.
Chicky: Say what you like, I'm curious to hear it. I assume that was question at the end about why we were huddled together at the end? No where else to go.
Guin: Ahh...I kept looking at it, too, cause there is something sticking up there that doesn't belong...nipple? Huge clit? finger? very small penis? who knows?
I really do not know. I really cannnot tell. there is a tag that says bbw and I think that may be her stomach. The link you wrote for me was cut off at the end.
Guin
I had to look up that BBW stands for big beautiful woman. What do I know?
Ok, that just hurts!
sometimes you can only go back to the person that has hurt you, as they are the only one who will understand.
I hope the moment passed and you both have moved beyond onto places more lush now!
Great piece, Bug. Sharp and incisive. The body of the text is screaming as your scalpel quill hits home.
Missy: Yes. It hurt long before and it hurt long after.
M: True about who you can go to when you are hurt. If you have had the same person to go to for 20 years, it's hard to go somewhere else.
We're working. Time will tell where we go and how green those pastures are.
Winters: Fascinating yet horrible.
Wow. This is very well written. I'm glad this is in the past somewhat. And I wish you both the greenest of pastures ahead.
Thanks, Joni.
We're working on it. :-)
I am sorry. Even the gourd instruments are her idea.
Guin: Hey, you didn't do anything to me!
You've been in my house!
ps. I'm gonna email you some of my children's lit. Just haven't had the time to type up the play...that and...well...I'm second guessing myself. I'd rather introduce you with something I know is decent ;o)
Kat: I hope that your house hasn't seen anything like that for a long time. I hope it never does in the future.
Kat: Sorry, I forgot to say that I would LOVE to see some of your writing. :-)
How is possible to say,to write ,to feel without experience that ... this make me sad ... but I thinking the symbols will be come for another reasons...I feel a little crazy ... hugs
THank you Vilma. It was an ugly time. Who knows if it will get better or get uglier?
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