My apologies.
Today, I am not deeply depressed, I am not having a breakdown, nor have I (very) recently traded eye gouges with any fellow bloggers. There are no new divorces or broken hearts to report. I don't have any political actions to rail against and no sub-section of the American populace has garnered my indignation. Not today. Today, I am in limbo.
I'm not pissed off nor am I satisfied. I'm neither depressed nor elated. I'm not particularly stressed, but I do have some things on my mind. Physically, I don't feel bad, but I have felt better. I want to hike, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow.
I have been accepted into grad school but classes have not yet started. I've been assigned some reading, but I haven't gathered the material yet. I'm not trying to write anything because I want to build some desire to create before school begins. I have applied for student loans but I have received no answer.
My wife and I have agreed to split up, but we're still together. She's looking for a job, but hasn't yet found one. We plan to sell the house, but not until she gets a job. I know I'll need to find an apartment or condo, but I can't really look until I know when I'm moving.
I've been looking for a smaller office to save some money. My landlord has agreed to let me have the place across the hall, but I have to wait for the current occupant to get out. I'll have to take over my wife's responsibilities here at work when she gets a job, but there's no point in starting now, because she wants to keep busy and I'll forget whatever I learn in a couple of weeks.
I'd like to be open to dating or at least getting to know some new people, but I really can't. I don't want to date while living with my wife and I don't want to explain my situation to any women. If I was them, I'd be skeptical.
So, for now, nothing changes. Smooth sailing. Same as it always was. All quiet on the western front.
38 comments:
Bug, I know that feeling more than you can imagine. The good news is that it does pass. There are so many different emotions you will go through, many when you least expect it. If you need to talk you know where to find me.
you've got all these things ALMOS waiting to happen so I reckon limbo is a bit like the bridge you gotta walk in order to get to somewhere else.
*AlmosT ;) ugh.
Thanks, Chickpea. I know there's things coming, abd and good. Thanks for the offer. :-)
M: Yeah, I can't wait to go to one side of the river or the other.
I knew what you meant. Wait, were you talking about Edward James Almos?
I feel like I am in limbo, too, Bug, but in a different way.
{{{{{{{{Lovebug}}}}}}}}
limbo is frustrating and anxious, at least for me.
but it is the calm before the flurry...so take it as a chance to rest?
on the other hand...if you want to shake up your life you could always buy a puppy.
if you dont like it I'm sure there is a friend you can give it to.
;)
Like many of the previous commenters, I too recognise this state of mind very well.
There seems to be a lot to look forward to in your life, Bug, and I'm sure that choppy waters, garnered indignation and much happiness lurk around the corner of your life to come!
Off topic, i've recently discovered the books of Cormac McCarthy. Not a laugh a minute, but brilliant!
Enjoy your weekend hike, my friend.
I can limbo under a limbo pole just 3ft high ;)
x
Lynn: You are waiting for answers, I suppose, but it seems like you've found at least one answer.
((((Lynn))))
Tania: No doubt that there's some rain coming. Hopefully, it won't be much of a storm.
The puppy lobby seems to be particularly strong of late! ;-)
Winters: Thanks for the good wishes. I just looked up Cormac McCarthy. Do you have a favorite from him?
Heya, Marmy!!
You have not graced my blog for some time. It's nice to see you here again.
You can limbo under three feet, eh? Let's see, you are only four feet tall and had your spine removed after a tragic yoga accident, right? ;-)
Sorry, just making the kind of joke that I would expect from you.
When I was in the army, those who were getting out soon were known as 'short'.
We used to try to out-do each other on just how short we were.
"I'm so short I have to pull my socks down to see!"
or
"I'm so short, I have to part my hair to piss!"
You get the idea. :-)
Why the apology? If it's smooth sailing for now, just ride along...
CB: I know no apologies are needed. It's is just a post about nothing. It's sort of an ironic comment on not spilling my guts as usual.
No apologies. Sounds like life is being gentle. Still I sense you are uncomfortable. You are in control Bug. You can still make choices and you never need to make an excuse...although I completely understand the desire ;o)
I aint graced ya blob cos I thought you had disappeared....... :) - but now Ive found ya again...... so all is good....... mind if I stick around...
x
Marmy: Are you kidding? I could just stare at your avatar for days!
Yes, I hope you hang out here all the time. :-)
Kat: Sorry, I was distracted by the kickin' chicken and skipped you.
I'm uncomfortable like I'm waiting for a bus. It's not that sitting on a bench doing nothing is so bad-heck I go to the park to do just that-it's that I'm headed down the road and anxious for the bus to arrive. Meanwhile, there's no point in getting too comfortable or making friends, you know?
Ach. Rubbish.
You know sometimes you have the most fun making friends at a bus stop or talking to a stranger on the journey!
And I am sure I have you both beat on being short!
xx
pinks
I'm so short my boots become a turtleneck
And by the way...I am NOT a monotonous automaton. I prefer to think of myself as a spontaneous chaotiton
Congrats on grad school! As for dating, it's wise not to start dating until your wife has moved.
Don't apologise for lack any extreme emotions/events happening in your life... that's pretty much my life at the moment :-)
Bugwit, this touched me. I have had a nice peaceful weekend. I have not seen how my internet friends are doing. I wish I could send you a hug.
{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}
I took this from Lynn. I cannot imagine she will mind.
Tania: Actually, one of my favorite things about traveling in Europe is that yhou sometimes have to (or get invited to) share a table with strangers. I get a huge kick out of that.
Spontaneous chaotiton? And you call yourself an accountant? ;-)
Missy: Yeah, my heart wouldn't be in it either. I still haven't taken off my ring, though we've told each other to take it off whenever we feel like it.
There's just been so much upheaval lately that the lack of it seems strange.
Molly: Hug received, thank you. Here's one for you:
((((Molly))))
Heya Bug...a little Howard Jones for you on a Monday AM.
HOWARD JONES!
Were not scared to lose it all
Security throw through the wall
Future dreams we have to realize
A thousand sceptic hands
Wont keep us from the things we plan
Unless were clinging to the things we prize
And do you feel scared - I do
But I wont stop and falter
And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better
Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh
Treating today as though it was
The last, the final show
Get to sixty and feel no regret
It may take a little time
A lonely path, an uphill climb
Success or failure will not alter it
And do you feel
Wow wow wow oh...
And do you feel...
I just do not like it when I'm feeling like you do.
Sunshine - have you seen the books after I've been at them? ;)
Spontaneous chaotiton at your service :)
xx
Hey Tildy: Howard Jones is a guilty pleasure of mine. I love that song. Thank you.
Mone: You've been there I take it?
Tania: Good to know that accounting has not robbed your soul. ;-)
Consider this a time to rest and build the energy necessary for the changes ahead.
I, too, am in the same boat. Sort of "between".
I wish you smooth sailing into your future.
Thanks, Joni. I'm trying to excercize, join s few clubs, make some new friends and do most of the chores around the house to get used to doing everything myself.
Just getting mentally prepared, like you say.
Thanks for your good wishes. :-)
(guilty pleasure?)
That makes it sound like its not OK to like him.
(smile)
Tildy: Did I say that? ;-) Yeah, I suppose there is a bit of a social stigma attached to liking 80's bands.
But I don't care *stands on desk* I LIKE EIGHTIES MUSIC AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!!
Ah, 80's music...
I shall take this opportunity to confess an unhealthy appreciation for the music of "Siouxsie and the Banshees" and "Lloyd Cole and the Commotions."
Great stuff.
Cheers Bug. Hope your week's ticking along nicely my friend.
Winters: Souxie is pretty understandable. Can't say I'm familiar with Mr. Cole.
My problem is the I spent 1984 and half of 1985 in Germany.
The soundtrack to that period Bow Wow Wow, Anne Clark, Eurythmics, Nena (of course) and other 80's pop like that. That's what was playing in the discos. I couldn't help it. Now its indelibly imprinted on my brain.
It places fhoto of Madeleine in your bloggue
Missing Madeleine!
Madeleine, MeCann was abduted from Praia da Luz, Portugal on 03/03/07.
If you have any information about her whereabouts, please contact Crimestoppers on 0800555111 Please Help
hug
David: It puts the lotion in the basket!
Okay, just messing with you. If anyone is wondering about what Mr. Santos is talking about, Tania Pinks has posted some material about Madeleine McCann, who was abducted in Portugal. Go to Tanias and have a look at Madeleine's picture and tell the authorities if you see her.
http://taniapink.blogspot.com/
Mouse: Hug to you, too. :-)
thank you. for what you said over at anonymouse's. thank you, my friend.
Bugwit
To be a human being can be sometimes difficult ... but it is a part of our life .... anything can be more beautiful ..if we can continue to love the dark time... and after that just be your self again ...
Keep in movement my dear friend BUWIT and just breath ...
Hugs
Tildy: You are welcome. It's from the heart!
Vilma: Thank you. I think everything is going to be all right! :-)
*{{hugs}}, bites and kisses
Ah...Val, you've come up for air. ;-)
Good to see you!
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