And a half order of community property, please.
So Mrs. Wit and I had the first meeting with the divorce attorney today. Actually, she isn't an attorney, she's a paralegal. Now I thought that a paralegal was actually an attorney that was willing to parachute in to rescue her client wherever that client may be, but I found out today that this is not the case. As soon as Maria sat down, I asked of she liked to pack her own chute, and that's where my education began.
Yes, this business is actually called the Divorce Store, and they provide quick and easy settlements for couples that know what they want. That is their actual logo above, and can be seen on bus stop benches and billboards all over town. The office is on the West Side of Phoenix. Usually I take Cookie Kwan's advice and stay off the West Side, but if I can get a 90-day divorce for $600, I'm going west, young man.
The place was furnished with broken surplus school chairs and ripped carpet. Instead of each paralegal (they are also not former Nazi storm troopers, cause I asked), having her own office, they put you in waiting rooms and came in to join you. It was like closing on a loan, except that when you're done, you only have half a house.
There was a framed newspaper article on the wall. The headline read "Divorce: A Growth Industry." I pointed out to Maria that divorce can't be a growth industry unless marriage is an even faster-growing industry. Apparently Maria lost her sense of humor in a skydiving accident.
Anyway, even though I've been wanting this for a long time, and Mrs. Wit and I need to get this done, it is still depressing to officially designate the kitchen table as hers and the couch as mine.
Afterwards, we went to Starbucks for an iced mocha and stared past each other, saying nothing. We'd bought a divorce. Cheap.
23 comments:
So, is it offical already or does that take a while? Wish I could get on that expedited plan. I do know what you mean about the depressing part, when you begin a life together you don't expect it to come down to this.
Did you know, that like Chad Kroeger and his square head...squareheads are also reference to (some German helmet thing).
(ahem.)
I'm glad you found a cheap way out.
I'm so sad that you and Mrs Wit are going through the divorce.. but at the same time, I'm happy (if that is the right word to use, and I'm sure it's not) that you are able to sit in the same room together, and be civil about it.
/sigh
I wish that were my case.. as you (and many others who know me) know, it's not.
These troubled times will pass for you, me, and many other people, Bug.
Sounds like the antithesis of a Vegas wedding.
I'm sorry you're going through this Bug. Yet I can sense some relief in your words.
CP:
No, you don't expect it. You might grow to wish for it, but it's still tough.
No, it's not official until I respond (Mrs. Wit officially filed) in a couple of weeks and then it takes about two months.
Tildy:
Why, no, I didn't know that about Chad or the Nazis. Thanks for that interesting tidbit! ;-)
Jali:
Yeah, well cheap after years of problems and therapy and anti-depressants! ;-)
Peanut:
It's mixed feelings for me. I just wish a few other things in my life were wrapping up as well.
Yes, we are still friends and care about each other, and that's why it hurts.
I hope things will soon wrap up for you, too. Our lives eventually change and resolve, don;t they?
Then new issues crop up. ;-)
Chickybabe:
Yeah, a reverse Vegas wedding, heh!
Yes, there is some relief.
Oh, Bug. I'm so sorry you are in pain. I wish there was something I could do. I feel for you, my Brother.
I could have divorced your for $100...kidding! That is rough when the actuallity sets in, but it seems like both of you are in the same place and it will be better for each of you to move on! Good luck...sorry...even though its mutual, its still hard!
Lynn:
Thanks, sis! I've always wanted to help you, too, but all we can do is be there, huh?
Jenny:
Wow! That was an especially long response from you. You must be touched by my rant. ;-)
And look, you didn't curse or mention a single sex act or body part. I'm so proud of you! ;-)
ahhhh...the wonderful world of divorce. i had the vegas wedding, just wish my divorce was just as cheap. guess i can't complain...my 2500 to others THOUSANDS of dollars is mere peanuts i spose. what i don't get is why my ex just couldn't cooperate. made us both spend money to get what i asked for in the first place! oh well, that was many moons ago, and i think i lost my brain as i got married AGAIN (no, not to my ex) lol
I'm sorry? Or...congradulations?
ciara:
I've spent too much time at Marmy's and I just can't help but mentally add several raunchy insults after your name! ;-)
I don't understand the contested divorce thing either. The assets are going right down the middle and it there's kids, he's getting every other weekend unless she's slagbag (oops!) ;-)
Angela:
Some of each. Eventually, it will be congrats.
hmm...iced mocha isn't always the best choice in these situations. Trust me. I'm a professional.
Pink:
:-)
When I divorced (25 years ago) we split everything up, moved into separate apartments, got one attorney who drew up everything, got it done in two weeks for a hundred bucks. Even when it needs to be done, it ain't easy.
*gives you a big tight hug*
Thanks, M. You're the best.
Yo bug....um if neither of you are using your kettle - can I have it please? Or is that like really really crass? Its just that what with you being American and all I assume you make your tea in the microwave....
Oh, yeah! We definitely use the microwave. So superior to the electric kettle!
The coolest thing is that you get a surprise with each cup. Sometimes you get a scalded tongue, and sometimes you get cold tea!
So the kettle's all yours.
Stay away from those Tuscan dishes, tho.
Yeah... I still have to do this. Trying to figure out how to handle everything across state lines is the difficult part. That, and being in contact w/ an Indiana lawyer that doesn't return my calls isn't helping any.
Best of luck to you.
It took my Aunt 4 solicitors to get divorced because her husband was being such a child about it. I guess you have it kinda lucky.
wow... better price than getting married
I've been having the hardest time bringing myself to comment on this. It's all a big mess for me.
Marriage, divorce. Both impossibly complicated.
::sigh::
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