I get the coffee started, flip on the computer and listen to my overnight messages. Only one, thank God. It's a weird one, though. One of my clients wants to sell off her Individual Retirement Account. I don't sell many of those, so I have to look up what to do before I call her back. It's Mrs. -------. She's one of my favorite customers, very sweet, so I kill some time chatting with her. I hang up in a good mood.
Coffee's ready. I trim my fingernails into the waste basket while reading my e-mail. Eight Nigerian scams, three internet lottery scams and four tips on increasing sales from my manager. His tips don't look any more promising than the scams. Hey! One from Tildy and one from Missy. Sweet! At least I won't be bored for the next five minutes. The day is good and getting better.
The phone rings.
"Good morning, ------- Insurance, can I help you?" I use my cheeriest voice.
The answer is a verbal right cross: "Why did my bill go up this month!?" No good morning, no identifying himself.
I overlook the rudeness and get his information.
"Well, sir, you added a second car to your policy six weeks ago. That caused the policy to increase by $220 per six months."
There's a pause on the line while he realizes how foolish he seems.
"You people send me a bill for a different amount every month. Why can't you get that bill straight?" His tone is even more hostile than before. Clients often call determined to rip me a new one and won't be dissuaded by mere logic.
"Well, let's see. You've changed your coverages once a month for each of the last six months. You've paid late every month for four months," I say as I scroll through his policy record. "You were canceled three months ago for non-payment and I jumped through some hoops to get you re-instated. Do you recall that, sir? Things like that tend to cause irregular payment amounts."
Sensing my mild sarcasm, the customer says, "Well, you make enough money off of me that I'm sure you don't mind."
"Actually, sir, I make about four dollars a month from you. I'll give you four dollars if you go find another agent."
He thinks I'm joking and laughs, then says a polite thank you and goodbye.
Turning back to my e-mail, talking with Missy reminds me how much I want to chuck it all and live in Europe. I browse through a few universities in London with master's programs in creative writing. Maybe. The misses will hit the ceiling if I bring it up. We've been over this, she'll say. We don't have any kids or pets or houseplants, so what's holding us, I'll say. Nothing will be decided.
The phone rings.
"Good Morning, -------- Insurance, may I help you?" My tone isn't quite as sweet as before.
"Yeah, I need a quote for two cars." It's an older gentleman. Phoenix is infested with retirees with nothing better to do than call for insurance quotes all day.
"Sure, no problem, sir. There's a ten percent discount for having both your home and auto insurance with us. Would you like me to quote your homeowners' insurance as well?"
"No, dammit, if you're auto price is good, we'll talk about the homes." Somebody is a cranky-pants today.
I take all the info and hang up to work on the quote. Ten minutes later, I call him back. "Yes, sir, it would be $450 for your two autos for six months. 10% less if you had a homeowners' policy with us."
"Four hundred and fifty dollars!?" he shoots back. "That's $900 a year!"
"Very good, sir." I reply flatly, leaving him to figure out whether I was being a smart ass.
Silence.
"That's WAY too high!" He finally blurts.
"Well, sir, many people pay more. How much are you paying now?" I ask.
"Three hundred and fifty dollars a year!"
"That is a very good price, sir. With that price, I'm surprised that you're shopping. How much were you hoping to pay?"
"Well...I just keep seeing these advertisements that make it sound like you're giving it away," he answers.
"Sir, $350 a year for two cars IS giving it away. But keep calling. Maybe someone will pay you for the privilege of insuring your cars. "
The old man hangs up.
Okay, let's see what Tits McGee is up to today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
23 comments:
OOOOHHHH! I heart tits and Bug!!!!!
**Ok, so my cell phone rings-and its bla-bla-bla Toyota. So I answer it-WTF, right? The lady says she can put me into a brand new 2007 ____. With the same note or less than what I pay now. OF COURSE I am interested. I tell her when and who should I go see? She askes how much my monthly note is. I don't have one. Its been paid for. Suddenly she can no longer help me.
I don't know how you keep your cool!
I heart you too, Tits. No matter how many times I write that, I still have to smile.
Tildy: Fuckin' salespeople.
Chicky: By thinking of my next European trip.
Hello!
Ermm... I sent an email! You know to keep you entertained why you give quotes to elderly gentlemen.
Bug: is you don't mind, I'd like to get an email from Missy.
He avatar makes her seem so bautiful and secretive.
Hey Missy: email me ANYTIME!
Dealing with the public is SOO much fun. People can be so pleasant *cough*.
Four dollars a month? Now I feel bad for my agent.
Not bad enough to pay him any more though.
I'm not sure I would insure two cars from the chance of meteors hitting them while they're parked, for $350 a year.
Then again, since this geeze just stays at home calling insurance agents all day, that's probably the only thing that will happen to the cars, anyway.
Missy: Yesw, I have to admit that the old folds are source of aggravation AND entertainment. You can call me for a quote anytime.
Tildy: Are you trying to horn in on my Missy? Damn you, modern, liberal times! Competing with other guys is hard enough, but now I have to compete with hot babes as well!
Les: Yep. This insurance thing would be great if it weren't for the clients.
Harp man: They make about 10% of your premium. I'm sure you pay more than $480 per year.
Zen: Exactly. What's funny is when they say something like "It's THAT much for my old cars?" They only think about us paying for their car repair and never think about the three people they may put in the hospital with crushed pelvises. I (well, my company) paid out $300,000 for just such an accident this year.
Yep--the people and the s*** you hit tends to be worth a lot more than the crushed jalopy.
I just read my comment... how did you understand that?? I think I should avoid commenting here when I'm half-asleep...
But it seems you understood what I meant anyway... are you reading my thoughts? Guess what I'm thinking right now.
tilde: Email me ANYTIME, too ;-)
Zen: Yup. The minumum coverages here are 15,000 per injured person, 30,000 all injuries ans 10,000 for property. THose are all laughably low. Few cars around here are worth less than 10k and the ambulance ride costs 5k.
Missy: I thought it was some ort of puzzle. Did I get it right?
Yes I can read your thoughts. I'll be right there.
Everybody's an expert. I can't stand when people don't want to listen to the person who has the job. Who is the expert. I get it all the time as a restaurant worker and my boy does too as a sub-contractor. Most folks would rather assume I'm a total moron because I work in a restaurant. They'd be partially right. Except that I think sometimes I might be just a little moronic FOR working in a restaurant.
As a quick aside- my aunt is an insurance agent and had to deal with a guy who insisted that the telephone pole jumped out in front of his car. I don't envy you.
Bugwit!!!
Do you write poetry?
I have started your book today
and you better have a publisher.
period.
KAt: Thank you for your support! I've had people that thought that my company should sue the city for placing a light pole where they did, I've had an old man who pulled out into traffic and was broadsided and thought it wasn't his fault because 'HE hit ME!'
It's allways an adventure!
Sophie: No poetry, just some lyrics. I think about it sometimes, but I'm more concerned with learning to write prose at the moment.
No, no publisher. I haven't shopped it because it needs a lot of work. But if you know somebody...
I told you I write (and talk) in shorthand. It's cryptic ;-)
You'll be here...?
In the words of Terry Pratchett, everybody needs Inn-Sewer-Ants protection.
Missy: I'll be there in my mind.
;-)
Winters: I had never heard of Mr. Pratchett so I looked him up. Next read: Discworld. Unless you have another recommendation.
The discworld books are a great read, Bug. Intelligent, inventive and very funny.
I love the Discworld series! Try reading The Good Omen, too byt Terry Pratchett and my super favourite author called Neil Gaiman.
Winters: THanks for the tip!
Missy: Funny, I've read about Neil Gaiman, but never him.
I'll get right on that!
LMAO - i do insurance, and people just kill me sometimes.
Post a Comment