There is a guy in my office building that annoys the crap out of me. He sells life insurance and securities. I also sell life insurance and securities. Well, I have those licenses, but I really don't sell much of those things personally. But no matter how many times I have tried to explain this to my neighbor, he still thinks we have this thing in common. What's more, he seems to think we are in some sort of personal competition.
Let's say that for a guy who sells insurance for a living, I have a very low opinion of sales people. People who are good at sales usually can't sell me a thing because I can't take their rap. The whole attitude and approach of the 'typical' salesperson rubs me the wrong way and this guy is the typical salesman.
Every time I run into Mr. Supersalesman in the hallway, the conversation is the same:
Mr. Supersalesman: Hey! Bugwit! How ya doin!?
Me: Fine.
MSS: How's business?
Me: Fine
(long pause while he waits for me to return the question, but I really couldn't give a fuck how his business is doing).
MSS: (Ignoring that I haven't asked, he answers the question anyway) Well, I'm going like gangbusters! I'm going to close a three million dollar deal tonight!
Me: Wow.
MSS: Yeah! And tomorrow, I'm seeing a guy about a half-million-dollar deal.
Me: Huh.
(awkward pause while he waits for me to try to one-up him)
Me: Well, nice talking to you, Super, but I have to get back to work.
MSS: (Smiling broadly and giving me the thumbs up) Okay! Nose to the grindstone! Go crank out some sales!
Me: Yeah. You, too.
Why he thinks I want to engage in penis fencing with him about sales I have no idea, but I avoid the guy whenever I can. If he's getting out of his car when I pull into the parking lot in the morning, I drive around the block. If he's coming out of the building when I'm getting out of my car, I stay and listen to the radio until he drives away.
Today, I was in the common bathroom that is shared by the entire floor of the office building, sitting in the stall and just finishing up when MSS comes in. I knew it was him because he always flies through the door like his hair is on fire and he plans on sticking his head in the toilet to put it out. By the time he made it to the urinal he was already letting loose, which means that he must have unzipped in the hallway, or possibly his own office. The guy must wait until he needs a rubber band to hold it in then runs headlong to the facilities.
Even though I was finished, I sat where I was and waited for him to leave so that I wouldn't have to talk to him.
Someday, someone is going to be on the other side of that door when he flings it open. Since there are only three men on this floor, it will most likely it will be me. He'll knock out my front teeth with the door, then fall over me with his dick in his hand and piss all over us both. I know that when we get up off the floor, covered in urine and blood, he won't apologize. He'll ask, "So how's business?"
Let's say that for a guy who sells insurance for a living, I have a very low opinion of sales people. People who are good at sales usually can't sell me a thing because I can't take their rap. The whole attitude and approach of the 'typical' salesperson rubs me the wrong way and this guy is the typical salesman.
Every time I run into Mr. Supersalesman in the hallway, the conversation is the same:
Mr. Supersalesman: Hey! Bugwit! How ya doin!?
Me: Fine.
MSS: How's business?
Me: Fine
(long pause while he waits for me to return the question, but I really couldn't give a fuck how his business is doing).
MSS: (Ignoring that I haven't asked, he answers the question anyway) Well, I'm going like gangbusters! I'm going to close a three million dollar deal tonight!
Me: Wow.
MSS: Yeah! And tomorrow, I'm seeing a guy about a half-million-dollar deal.
Me: Huh.
(awkward pause while he waits for me to try to one-up him)
Me: Well, nice talking to you, Super, but I have to get back to work.
MSS: (Smiling broadly and giving me the thumbs up) Okay! Nose to the grindstone! Go crank out some sales!
Me: Yeah. You, too.
Why he thinks I want to engage in penis fencing with him about sales I have no idea, but I avoid the guy whenever I can. If he's getting out of his car when I pull into the parking lot in the morning, I drive around the block. If he's coming out of the building when I'm getting out of my car, I stay and listen to the radio until he drives away.
Today, I was in the common bathroom that is shared by the entire floor of the office building, sitting in the stall and just finishing up when MSS comes in. I knew it was him because he always flies through the door like his hair is on fire and he plans on sticking his head in the toilet to put it out. By the time he made it to the urinal he was already letting loose, which means that he must have unzipped in the hallway, or possibly his own office. The guy must wait until he needs a rubber band to hold it in then runs headlong to the facilities.
Even though I was finished, I sat where I was and waited for him to leave so that I wouldn't have to talk to him.
Someday, someone is going to be on the other side of that door when he flings it open. Since there are only three men on this floor, it will most likely it will be me. He'll knock out my front teeth with the door, then fall over me with his dick in his hand and piss all over us both. I know that when we get up off the floor, covered in urine and blood, he won't apologize. He'll ask, "So how's business?"
.............
11 comments:
(unsure of a correct segue)
I love running into people from high school! Esp when they 'recognize' me and I could give a rats ass about them! It is one of the few times you will ever (hear?) me quiet.
OMG, Bug. That is too funny. It would be even funnier if I didn't feel your pain. I HATE it when salespeople act like that. It gives us all a bad name. Moreover -- it wears me out to be stuck working with a person like that. I had a broker like that once. She was closing a deal on her cell phone while she was in labor! Her meetings? We won't even go there. I'll have to post one day about the 'fake' vacations I employed to get away from her.
I can't get past the "penis fencing" label on the post... that's brilliant ;)
But here's hoping you never end up covered in his piss.
xx
Tildy: You know, Mrs. Wit used to run into people from high school all the time. Several times, we were eating at a restaurant where some girl was working who used to be a right bitch to her. I could never get her to rub in, though.
Ref: Man, the rah-rah types wear me out in a heartbeat! Closing a deal while in labor? Won't she be proud to tell her child about that!
Val: Yeah, the hits I get from that should be interesting!
That is the kind of piss related accident which would be hard to get insured against...
In the sales world, I guess the name of the game is piss or be pissed upon. Don't wait for the parry, Bug! Keep your epee ready to thrust at all times! ;)
Nah... he's got two things: big ego, small penis. And to use a term from one of my posts, he sounds like a 'wanker'.
I know you hate it but, LOL. That was very funny, Bug. Any chance you could hang a cowbell around his neck so you'd hear him coming?
Good morning, Bug. thank you for the advice. I have tried it. I am just not sure its for me. I seem to do better with long term in patient stuff. Less temptation.
Guin
Winters: Urine is an excluded coverage on most policies!
When I was 16, my epee was constantly ready, but these days it takes a few strokes to warm up.
Chickybabe: Difinitely a wanker. And a tosser. And a git. And a fuckwit. :-)
CP: I like that idea! But who's going to bell the cat? You have to get close enough to him that he might pin you down and bore you to death!
Guin: Don't you get the same therapy while in-patient?
I know! Wait inside the bathroom door, have the bell on it's chain in position and as he storms through the door you can slip it on his neck and be done with it. Perfect!
Chickypea: That's a good idea, but I think I'd prefer to chase him down in a helicopter and hit him with the tranquilizer dart.
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