I lay still, breathing heavily, my heart beating strong. My arms envelope you and I feel the full length of your body against me. I'm sure I feel your warmth, but it’s my imagination, picking up vibrations in the air. You were never really there.
I dress and drive to the party. As I enter, men shake my hand and women kiss my cheek. I smell your musky fragrance on my skin and wonder if they smell it, too. But it’s my imagination. You were never there.
I feel myself tingling where you touched me. I feel the outline of your hand. My lips remember touching yours and my cheek recalls the tickle of your hair. I’m afraid that I shall become aroused. But it’s my imagination, because you never touched me.
I smile and make pleasant conversation and shake my head when agreement is called for. We talk about the independent voter turnout and prospects for the next election cycle. The new Congressman steps in front of the crowd to speak. We clap as he thanks us. I turn to smile at you, but you were never there.
I see my friend Mark. He has someone new, where he had no one before. She is very special, he says. They smile. They stand close together. They can’t bear not to touch. They are in love.
And you are gone, because you were never there.
35 comments:
Beautiful, Bug, just beautiful. I feel it. It's but a wisp of smoke, no? I want to reach out and contain its slipperiness.
Yes, Lynn. You have said it. That is perfect.
Imagination is a weird thang..
yep :(
Living moments through our imagination... sometimes it's the only way.
The "you"...is she a real person or the "someday somewhere if.." personified dream that fulfills what is wanted and needed from a mate who can touch your soul?
Just wondering...
Wondering...not to be nosey...but because I can relate...
Brat: Yes, and wonderful.
M: I'm sorry. I feel for you, M. To paraphrase Johnny Depp in Ed Wood, "Your next one will be better!"
Chicky: Or your only choice.
PT: Yes, I felt it. If I concentrate, I can feel it again.
Critter: Who can say if my fantasy really exists? Have I conjured her from the depth of my desires, or has she visited me and planted herself in my imagination, beckoning for me to come to her?
Bug,
This flows like a lyric. Perhaps theres a song in there somewhere.
Very nice Bug. A talented writer AND poet for sure - but can you write a limerick?
Sleepydog:
It was just my imagination,
Running away with me...
Something like that? :-)
Harpman:
There once was a man from Arizona
Who spent his days scribbling bologna
For love, unattainable
He pined, unrestrainable
You've seen it before, only set in Verona
Well, I guess you can.
I hate to deconstruct your stuff all the time, but as I recall that is what YOU ASKED US TO DO:
This lovely peace highlights one of your strengths, and that is that you always stick to the first person singular POV.
That makes it very readable, even when you get borderline surreal as in this piece.
If you ever get a chance you should read "The Journal of Albion Moonlight," by Kenneth Patchen. He has a similar writing style to this piece, and it all stays together because of the consistent POV.
(Actually, that link is Amazon and you can do a "Search inside this book" thingy and get enough to get an idea of what I am talking about. It is one of those, "How do you read the first paragraph and then STOP"-books, however...)
Zen: Feel free to deconstruct, my friend. It's what you do best, is it not?
Yes, I did see a common style with that. The sometimes choppy sentences, especially.
Beautiful, but it made me feel so sad.
Or the only possibility...
David - I don't really want to pull you from your fantasy world, but WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR PERSONAL STATEMENT?
When does this need to be completed?
I'm going to start working on my nagging skills (since I have none).
I love your writing. Great job!
Lush: Thank you. It was kind of sad.
CB: Who can say what is possible? Maybe we are as grounded and anchored as we sometimes feel. But are we, really? Can we make our fantasies into realities if we want it hard enough? If we all believe, really believe, will Tinkerbell appear before us?
Brat: It isn't due until February, but I'm hoping to have it done by Christmas. I'm studying up on some of the people who are involved at the school and thinking about some re-writes. I'll probably put out another version by the end of the week.
Les! Well, it's so good to see you! Hope things are settling down for you.
Beautiful.
This remains me of the confusion and anxiety a man experiencing deep unrequited love and a ripper of a hangover at the same time might feel, if only he could form half coherent thoughts.
Great piece, Bug. An interesting departure from your usual style, yet identifiably Bugwitesque.
Of course, what I meant to say was "It reminds me"...
Bug you the man, writeing like that puts me in better times and a big big smile on my face, you the king of storys, keep it coming pleaseeeee
Thanks, Winters. I am struggling to keep up with Terry, Barnes (I can't tell him for you, now), cannibalism and Amberism. You are quite prolific lately, my friend.
I'll be there later today to help you get Amber back to dry land.
Eddie: A big smile is good thing! Keep smiling, man. I'll keep writing.
Bug, things are really good right now. I'm enjoying this whole independence thing. No more dreading going home.
This is my favorite piece.
Ethereal in it's longing and
sense of displacement.
This brings hot tears to my eyes.
do you have any idea how I have longed to be that 'girl'?
I have always wanted to feel that...that, passionate absence. I have always wanted someone to feel that FOR me. That is what I mean.
Les: I'm very glad to hear it. I haven't been by very much lately (on your blog or anyone else's), but Ive been thinking about you. I'm happy things are on the upturn!
Sophie: Really? Wow. Yes, now that I think of it, this is sort of up your alley. You are always asking about poetry, and this has a certain rhythm to it. Thank you, Sophie. I'll check n with you soon.
Tildy: Wow! I'm pleased that my words could touch you so. There's no doubt that someone has felt that for you.
Who knows Bug... it depends on the weight of the anchor and the magnetic force that propels us in a different direction.
CB: True. While the weight can be heavy, there are celestial bodies whose gravitational pull can swallow whole galaxies.
I need your arms around me, i need to feel your touch
i need your understanding, i need your love so much
you tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
but when i need you baby, you're never there
on the phone long, long distance
always through such strong resistance
first you say you're too busy
i wonder if you even miss me
never there
you're never there
you're never, ever, ever, ever there
a golden bird that flies away, a candle's fickle flame
to think i held you yesterday, your love was just a game
a golden bird that flies away, a candle's fickle flame
to think i held you yesterday, your love was just a game
you tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
but when i need you baby
take the time to get to know me
if you want me why can't you just show me
we're always on this roller coaster
if you want me why can't you get closer?
never there
you're never there
you're never ever ever ever there
"Never There"
CAKE
Green! I LOVE that song. Nice call!
Hope all is well.
Guilty... you have caught me stalking your archives ;)
But DAMN. I know this feeling well. And I am experiencing it as we speak. Even though the writing eludes to a love not found, it feels similar to my current life... the love has been found and experienced, but now it is just too far away and nights are spent with an empty place beside me in my bed. In my waking moments I can still smell his scent on my skin - but the reality is all too painful.
Sigh.
But really - - it's quite a beautiful piece. Sincerely. I may even link you. :) You are quite talented. You are male, right?? Not to label you - but my cheesy blog has it separated by "tender and juicy" and "man meat" hahahaha ;) Yeah, I know I'm weird - no need to elaborate on that fact.
xx
Val: I guess I would be man meat!
Thank you, Val.
I don't think your blog is cheesy. And as for being weird, you have not read everything I've written, I take it. :-)
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